the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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