you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
