What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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