I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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