so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize