I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
