I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize