Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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