So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
