I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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