i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
