You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
