On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wish there were birth control emojis
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
