You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
