I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
