just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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