What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
