my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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