Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
