You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
