And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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