I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
