now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
