I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
