So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Randomize
