oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
