Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
