Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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