My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Green mimosas i think yes
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
