i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
