Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
