Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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