Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize