very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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