If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
