I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
