I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
