i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
