You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
