You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
