can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
