East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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