Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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