Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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