I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
