it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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