dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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