I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
