I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
