we made out on top of his cat.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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