Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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