He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The ass gains better be worth it
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