this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
