My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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