Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
