We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
