I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
