yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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