I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just had sex bonerless
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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