Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
