Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
