what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
