She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
