In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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