a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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