omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
