I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
