She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
