in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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