Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You are a genius and a whore.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
