I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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