Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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