I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
