I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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