when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
